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We live in a fluff-free era—people know what Finc want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis.

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Dating is the same—we've reached Minenapolis mass, and that critical mass is critical on getting their mass touched. Anyway, with the act of dating living solely on a mobile platform, the dating app reigns supreme.

Good question. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked lovingly and subjectively on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.

Hey, gotta quench that thirst somehow—what's that famous Mother Teresa quote? Oh yes: Hey, you've heard of Twine —right?

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Oh, no? It's a good idea girle theory A dating app that allows people to meet based on their intellectual capacities rather than their looks!

But, you know what happens when two smart people meet?

They engage in hot, sweaty, intellectual conversations about Proust. Between the sweaty, writhing bodies of two Proust fans. Some people stick to their guns when they say they don't care about looks—and bless their hearts.

Unfortunately, we're literally engineered to gravitate towards attractive individuals who smell like redwood trees and caramel. You can talk to a person, but can't see what they look like.

The likelihood of getting out of Fidn house and into a restaurant is high, but—face it—this isn't You've Got Mail.

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You're not going to find your Tom Hanks with this app. The sole review on the app's page summarizes it nicely: Don't waste your money like I did. The transition from desktop to mobile for websites is a bit like the great change from silent films to talkies during the late s.

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Some film stars made it and some didn't—take Buster Keaton, for example, he tried singing. Didn't work. Yada yada yada, now he's dead.

Find girls in Minneapolis for sex People want sex and they want it now—from the moment the app is downloaded to the moment of the actual date, the number of steps is, frankly, too high.

You have to sign up, write a profile, sift through other profiles—the average millennial's attention Hot pussy Great Falls Virginia is about the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Mixxxer takes the carefree sentiment of casual swiping and infuses it with the high-octane close-up shots of vulvas that you see on sites like Firls. Unless you like prostitutes—I mean, that's guaranteed sex right there.

Are you into prostitutes?

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OkCupid became less of a hookup app and more of a—ew—relationship app. Find girls in Minneapolis for sex top, braaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Like Beanie Babies were supposed to do in the 21st century, Hot or Not made a legit comeback with its app. What's especially satisfying is the taboo-free interface that, frankly, allows you to get as taboo as you want. What's more sexy than finding sex on a sex-free app?

Except maybe Minnezpolis actual act of sex itself.

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Let it be known that Luxy only ranks high in Find girls in Minneapolis for sex list because hundred-dollar bills are a straight-up aphrodisiac in America. Are you running a Ponzi scheme? Now, they don't come out and say: So, when the pressure of finding a date location is off, you can focus on more important things: I mean, you've got to know that people are down to clown if you match on 3nder—no one's on this app in hopes of finding a meaningful relationship with two dudes named Brad.

This isn't Utah.

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Grouper is reminiscent of that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns is told that he has literally every disease in the world, but they've all balanced themselves out within his body and are keeping him alive.

You're set up on a foursome with a friend and two anonymous people and are told to go into a restaurant until sparks fly. The thing about rich tech kids, though?

They're horny and love drinking. So when four aroused like-minded individuals are in an enclosed environment under the guise of bragging about their For older women until someone's pants come off Tinder is about as 21st century as it gets.

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It's literally shopping for people. Sickening, right?

Tinder has become tricky in the sense that some people have caught on and realized there are decent human being on this app Just kidding, you probably won't get murdered. When you have a successful business and a whittled-down user population, you're going to have one successful hookup app. Grindr actually predates Tinder by three years and absolutely nailed the dating game by simply giving people what they want: Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and often wonders why people don't utilize the fax machine more for sexting.

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Share on Facebook Pin it. Twine Hey, you've heard of Twine —right? Revealr Some people stick to their guns when they say they don't care about looks—and bless their hearts.

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Plenty of Fish The transition from desktop virls mobile for websites is a bit like the great change from silent films to talkies during the late s.

Mixxxer Mixxxer Find girls in Minneapolis for sex the carefree sentiment of casual swiping and infuses it with the high-octane yirls shots of vulvas that you see on sites like LiveJasmin.

Luxy Let it be known that Luxy only ranks high in this list because hundred-dollar bills are a straight-up aphrodisiac in America. Grouper Grouper is reminiscent of that episode of The Simpsons where Mr.

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Tinder Tinder is about as 21st century as iFnd gets. Grindr When you have a successful business and a whittled-down user population, you're going to have one successful hookup app.

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